Mini meltdown
Well, we knew it was coming but yesterday I had my first post-op melt down.It is now two weeks since I had my awake craniotomy and overall I am doing as well as can be expected. In all honesty I feel absolutely exhausted and the prospect of writing a blog seemed more challenging than cathartic. I have attempted to vlog, but reviewing my efforts I think I need to focus on my speech therapy before I feel comfortable speaking in front of a camera… then again perhaps Vlogging would be a good form of therapy? Aside from the pretty impessive scar I am now boasting, there are a couple of major changes...
Reduced sensation: Thankfully I am able to move and control my left hand side - this was one of the biggest risks we faced so i am already feeling like a winner that I can move, walk and talk independently. However I have a numb sensation running down the length of my body. It is akin to the feeling when you receive anaesthesia at the dentist. This does present a few challenges such as eating, speaking and a very slow response to extreme temperatures (i.e. If I am holding a scolding cup of tea my right hand is compensating for its sleepy counterpart).I am relying on friends and loved ones to notify me if I have food on the edge of my mouth which is now a common occurrence. Dribbling is another not so-sexy- side effect. As I sat doing my jigsaw puzzle I couldn't understand how Parsnip’s wee head had got so wet whilst she slept on my lap -turns out her head was directly in the firing line of my saliva.. I regret to say my sense of taste has been butchered - food and drink don’t taste like they should which has induced a few hangry incidents.
Cognitive function: As I said at the start, overall I am doing pretty well - I am walking the dog, visiting the shops, more than capable of feeding and washing myself, but there are odd episodes where I find myself questioning what is going on. For example, whilst in the hospital; I went to the loo, locked the cubicle, sat down and took down my trousers but something didn’t seem quite right... It was then I realised I had forgotten to take down my knickers before relieving myself. Thank goodness it was only a number one and as my mum says - my Lacey thongs don’t have much substance so it wasn’t a huge disaster. Upon returning to my bed and disposing said thong, I confided in my nurse who reassured me:“If that is the wort thing that happens whilst you’re recovering from brain surgery I’d say you are doing really well”Basically everything requires more energy and brain power which ultimately leaves me feeling fatigued. Don’t feel sorry for me though - if you want to offer sympathy to anyone, send it to the poor funny boy who is currently living with an adult toddler. Our daily conversation goes something like this...FB:”Heather, I think it might be Time for your nap...”Me *Whilst sobbing* “I don’t need a nap....”FB: ‘are you sure? You seem a little emotional...”Me *still sobbing* “I was watching the bake off and it made me sad...Rahul bakes to meet friends...”
So, what triggered my meltdown?
Ever since we found out about surgery I was told by pretty much every nurse and specialist;’at some point you will be upset about your hair. It will get you, you will cry’I assumed this would be at the unveiling of my scar. Truth be told when I first saw it - I was impressed. How did they manage to create a huge scar whilst leaving me with most of my hair? (Another reason Mr Liaquat is a legend!) but, yes unfortunately they were right.In celebration of Buggernuts aka my dad completing his monster March which saw him successfully complete monthly 10k for a full year whilst raising over £1k for Maggie’s Cancer Centres, we decided to go out for dinner. Due to the wound I can only use baby shampoo which is leaving my hair feeling very greasy - combine that with the stubble around the scar i’m Not so amused by my barnet and trying to work our how to rock my new hairdo whilst out at a restaurant provoked a mini meltdown. True to form - I was quickly rescued by the Funny Boy and Iceberg, who between them adopted the YouTube link below and fashioned a silk scarf into something quite acceptable.So, before I sign off and go for my nap - don’t worry i am not sobbing (GBBO isn’t back on until tomorrow)but if anyone can offer some simple ways to wear a headscarf or if any fashionistas can recommend what headwear would suit my square-shaped face then please get in touch.
As always #FUCANCER